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“Liquid Courage.”

  • Writer: Kerry Hoffschneider
    Kerry Hoffschneider
  • Jan 19
  • 6 min read

I remember when I tried alcohol the first time. I am not counting the small, clear cup of about an inch of Mogen David during communion at Zion Lutheran Missouri Synod Church. 


My first true experiment with fermented drink was a little later. I was home hanging out my senior year in high school and there was leftover boxed wine from my parents’ card club party. It was peach. I remember it well. I thought, “I bet that is good. I love peaches.”


I took a drinking glass that had white ducks with blue ribbons around their necks imprinted on it and put about an inch of wine in there, about the same amount as a little communion cup. 


I sat on the kitchen table, watched our tiny television, sipped my wine, and it really didn’t have an effect. I was honestly nervous to death my parents would notice the little bit of wine was gone from the box. I lived in fear for days. 


I did that same thing like four more times. I got a little more courage every time. Courage to get a bit larger swig of that “liquid courage.”


“Liquid courage” was something I heard referenced about alcohol very young. I became intrigued with this “magic elixir” that would supposedly give you the courage to ask that boy out, make the first romantic move, whatever courage you were trying to muster. Like the courage to try and escape what was hurting you. 


The last time I tried the box wine I almost filled the drinking glass up. That time I felt the effects. I remember the tipping point between growing silly, and then numb. I liked the lack of feeling, like floating in a little section of “farmville” outer space. As much as I liked it, I didn’t drink again until my junior year in college. 


I knew, well, my parents would “kill me.” 


I did lie and tell a classmate I had a six pack buried in the pasture for myself since I could never go to any high school pasture parties. I didn’t go to any senior class beer parties. I just drove around in my burgundy minivan I was going to take to the University of Nebraska - Lincoln and was grateful I was almost done with some of the stressors at home. 


Fast forward to my junior year in college. I remember really making up for the drinking deal. I was creative for sure. Somehow I got a bottle of blackberry brandy and drank it by myself while reading Edgar Allen Poe or something and trying to write like Hemingway. I felt like complete shit the next morning. I never needed brandy again. 


At a party, I drank nearly an entire bottle of tequila and watched a guy play guitar. I was certain he was searching for the meaning of life like I was. But how could I know? Because the bottle of tequila got in the way of me genuinely finding out anything about him. 


That is when I stopped drinking tequila too. I found out I liked Boone’s Farm, apple Pucker, and Jim Beam & Cola already mixed up in a six pack better. Yep, Jim Beam & Cola - that’s the first thing I bought when I was 21. I was finally “cool” with that six pack I had lied about having in high school, heading to a party with some of those same rural kids I went to school with. Kids I just wanted to be more like with families who I thought were healthier than mine. 


I am completely unimpressed with my trying to impress them now. I should have been impressing myself. I had pretty low self esteem. I don’t think I was alone in that. 

“Liquid courage” … A lot of rural kids kept reaching for it. I stopped reaching for beer more than a decade ago. I went for more high end options (I thought). It was all just alcohol, wrapped in a different package. 


Now it’s an occasional vodka cranberry when I am up for it on my terms. Far better is learning about all the fancy mocktails to try now from the Millennial crowd. So fun. Honestly, alcohol got me into mostly ridiculous, depraved situations that I absolutely don’t want anymore. 


Besides, my sober sarcastic humor is far more sharp. Laugh with me! Cry with me. Just be. Being ourselves sober. It sadly took a lot of drinks for me to realize being myself was really what I wanted. That’s a heck of a battle with a lot of bottles. A heck of a battle none of us should have to win. 


I don’t need to crawl to the bottom of the bottle with more stories to tell you what can happen there. I have been there, done that. Nothing courageous about it. 


When I started drinking, I was doing what a lot of people were doing, trying to be cool, attract guys, you know prove my worth as a woman by drinking them under the table. Wow. Impressive. (Honestly, not at all). 


I honestly just wanted to talk to people, learn things and laugh. I have always loved learning about who people are. I definitely love laughing. It’s among my top five things to do. I got in trouble for it quite a bit. That tells me I was good at practicing my laughing skills at every turn. 


My 21st birthday I recited the poem “13 Ways of Looking at a Blackbird” by Wallace Stevens standing on the bar after drinking too much Guinness and Colorado Bulldogs and who knows what. Thank God I had friends driving me home that night. I was trying to be deep. I was just being drunk. 


Rural loves their beer and booze. When I worked at a big seed company, I remember one hotel where we had a sales meeting said that our company consumed the most alcohol they had ever seen. Wow. Something to be proud of. (Not really). 


I tried to stay mostly clear of drinking with my professional peers. I just knew myself. Until my last business meeting with some of my fellow seed company camarades my last week working there. Then I reverted backwards and downed way too many beers. Why? I was just trying to fit in. I was still wrestling that rural wrestling match inside my head. Alcohol wasn’t what I needed to win. Deep inside I knew that. But being accepted, well, that’s a pretty powerful force of energy to contend with. 


I am really happy trying to fit in with a beer in my hand isn’t my jam anymore. I have far too many interesting sober conversations and pursuits to embark upon. I hope my children hear my words now too. I haven’t always modeled them well through my actions in the past when they were younger. All I can do is continue to try and show them.


I write this because I just know and understand. I care about what’s happening. It’s not my intent to be a “Prohibitionist.” Alcohol is just not my priority or interest much at all anymore. I know it’s not because here I am writing about it and really not caring what people think. I care what I am thinking. That’s who I ultimately have to live with. 


It shouldn’t be what we reach for so much in rural either. There’s so much adventure, fun, learning, and promise without it. There’s work to be done with eyes wide open and sober minds too. 


The “liquid courage” we really need is the energy of our gifts flowing through the problems we need to solve for this time and future times.

 

I see a lot of hope for the Heartland everywhere. I am grateful I don’t try and escape in the bottom of a bottle anymore. If you still are, you’re so valuable. I completely understand. It’s really not about the alcohol when we abuse it. It’s about pain we’re trying to drown out a lot of times. I am absolutely no better than you. No way. No how. But, you deserve more. You’re courageous without it.


A photo a Facebook friend shared. He’s so funny. He was comparing the cost of beer to the cost of ag inputs. I enjoy following him. I wish I could say some of my dark times with alcohol were funny. They weren’t. 


RESOURCES:


Alcohol is serious business and has serious consequences for those of us who have taken it too far. So, I did some research on “liquid courage.”


The American Chemical Society (ACS), “found PFAS (polyfluoroalkyl substances) in 95% of the beers they tested. These include perfluorooctanesulfonate (PFOS) and perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA), two forever chemicals with recently established EPA limits in drinking water. Notably, the team found that beers brewed near the Cape Fear River Basin in North Carolina, an area with known PFAS pollution, had the highest levels and most diverse mix of forever chemicals, including PFOS and PFOA.” 



Here is information from the National Library of Medicine about alcohol use: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7906952/




Then there are the studies talking about PFAs in agriculture inputs:


For those who don’t struggle with alcohol disease there are clean options of alcohol to purchase out there. I have friends selling and making some of these products too.

Oh and the Graze Master Group has access to better products for your land too. Ask me about them. Really exciting, effective options developed by super smart people who care. 


Copyright© 2026 All Rights Reserved, Kerry Hoffschneider

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